Subconscious Self Image

Day 13

Weight: 238.8lbs

I have gained 3.4lbs between my cylce and the past two days of eating, but it will come off quickly and I will be happy when it is gone. I am sorry, but I fell off of the juicing wagon for a couple of days. I got pretty pissed off because I was not losing weight and had a "SCREW THIS" moment when I decided that I was going to juice breakfast, lunch and then eat dinner with my family. Of course this turned into juicing breakfast and eating lunch and dinner the next day.

I had a very vivid dream last night. I was standing in front of a mirror skin to the wind and I had lost all of the weight (plus some from the looks of it) and I had a lot of extra saggy skin. I was skinny and healthy, but what is interesting to me is that the image that I had of myself was very realistic. I did not look like I did when I was 16, I had stretch marks, extra skin, my breast were a little less perky than one would like, but I was HAPPY! I know that this will probably sound silly, but for some reason when I think of losing all of this weight, I have always held a picture in my minds eye of a flat tummy, no stretchmarks, slender thighs, and toned arms. I honestly think last night was my subconscious self telling my conscious self what it was REALLY going to be like and to not expect a miracle.

My body is not going to miraculously shrink back to my pre-baby form like an elastic band, instead it is going to say softer, stretchier, and just a little bit more motherly. My hips are not going thin out again (the pelvic bones widen during pregnancy to allow a baby passage through the birth canal, and they stay that way for life!) and my body is not going to perform a breast lift on itself. I have to give my body time to get back where I once was and I will have to work extremely hard to get it there. I know that I will have to exercise to tone my muscles and I might even have to have a tummy tuck to get rid of all this excess skin, but I am okay with that now.

I suggest that anybody who is doing this take a long hard look at what you THINK you will be when this is all over and what you will actually end up being when it is done. That may sound harsh, but I have a feeling that there are a lot more people out there who hold a dreamer's image of what the end result is going to be instead of the realistic image in their mind's eye. This is not meant to be a "downer", but it is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.