My "Why?"

Day 11

Weight: I am trying my hardest to stay away from the scale this week!

It is very hard for me to stay away from the scale, but if I don't weight myself right when I wake up I know that it will skew the numbers and therefore I have been avoiding the scale until after I have my morning glass of water and juice... Maybe this will deter me from weighing in every day this week, because so far I am not liking what I have been seeing. 

A fellow blogger of mine asked a question that I don't believe I have answered on here yet and that is "What is your WHY?", by which she meant why am I doing this? What will give me the strength to continue on when I just don't want to go on any longer. I fully intended on answering this question yesterday, and I even wrote out a very long blog on my desire to be able to show off my body and make the people who treated me like garbage when I was a kid think twice, but then I realized that isn't really my "Why?", and I did not post it. 

Part one of my "Why" is obvious: I want to get healthy so that I can live a long life and get to know my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren and drive my husband crazy. Part two however is something that nobody can see. It is something that is inside of me that I want to fix. 

During and after my pregnancy with my son, I obviously gained a lot of weight. I put on so much weight that my body couldn't handle going through the natural hormone cycle and instead it decided to store up all of the estrogen that my body was releasing. This made my body develop polycystic ovarian syndrome. I stopped having a period for over 18 months (not including the 10 months of pregnancy), and found out that unless I lost weight, I would never start having my cycle again and could never have another baby. 

During my first juice fast, I lost enough weight that I started having my menstrual cycle again, but I am not entirely healed. I have not gone to the doctors to check this fact, but I believe that I still have cysts on my ovaries that are preventing me from dropping an egg during my cycle. No egg = no baby. So what is my "Why?": I want to lose enough weight (about 65 more lbs.) to ensure that I do not have cysts on my ovaries and that I can maintain a happy healthy pregnancy. My husband and I have decided that it is time for baby #2 and now the ball is in my court. If I do not lose the weight, I can not have the baby that I do desperately want. That is what I need to remember every time that I want to give in, give up, and stop this fast: My want for another baby in my future is greater than my want for a slice of pizza right this very second in time.